


drunken confessions

by joyrdings



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ben being Ben, Callum drinking so much in the space of an hour that his liver is shook, Drunken Chats, Jay knowing something is going on but doesn't quite know what, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 18:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20018722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyrdings/pseuds/joyrdings
Summary: getting drunk on your stag night isn't always a good idea.





	drunken confessions

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i don't know what to think of this! i might make a part two, i might not! let me know what you think and if there's any spelling/editing mistakes then ignore them haha. thank you!

Callum was naive enough to believe that his stag-do would be the one night where he would get a break. He already planned to drink the bar dry, get so drunk that either Martin or Kush would need to hold him up until he was in bed and forget all about his worries and troubles that came with being a man that was about to get married.

It had started off well-enough. Almost every man from the square had joined Callum in the Vic - mostly for the free booze that they knew Mick would give out for the first couple of hours and more than likely after he had downed a few more pints than he should have - all but one. Callum was no fool and he knew it wouldn’t be long before Ben came sauntering in with a smirk on his face as he annoyingly asked Callum questions about the wedding or hinting at the little fling the two of them had going on. If he was being honest, he couldn’t wait for Ben to turn up. He hated the panic he would feel whenever Ben was in the room, knowing full well that Ben could turn around whenever he wanted and announce to the whole room that Callum was secretly gay. Ben would never do such a thing though, no matter how much it upset him that Callum was marrying another woman when he clearly had feelings for him.

Callum hated the fact that he looked forward to seeing Ben more than he looked forward to seeing his own wife-to-be. Seeing Whitney in the square brought nothing but dread as he wandered what wedding plans, she would throw his way but seeing Ben brought Callum excitement. The two of them were unpredictable, random moments of affection shared whenever they felt like being together. Callum couldn’t count the amount of times he had dragged Ben down an alley and kissed him until their lips were bruised and the knees were sore, he was surprised Whitney hadn’t questioned the amount of washing that Callum had.

Ben loved it as well though and that’s all that mattered. Even though they had suffered some rough times, they still adored each other. Ben’s first thought in the mornings were Callum and he was his last thought at night. Ben would be over at the funeral parlour as much as he could be without Jay getting suspicious - private kisses between Ben and Callum shared whenever Jay left the room for more than a minute. The fun that came with sneaking around was something that they both loved but that feeling of fear was always there in the back of Callum’s mind. He knew that someone could walk into the room at any moment and see him with his hands down Ben’s boxers, was aware of the fact that he had to go days without sexually pleasing Whitney because Ben had been a fool and had left marks along his hip and it killed Callum to know that he was hurting people in the process but he couldn’t get rid of Ben, no matter how hard he tried. 

“You want any more vodka?” Mick joked as he slid Callum another shot, it was probably his sixth of the night, he couldn’t remember. “Linda isn't going to be happy if she has to put do another order tomorrow.”

Callum chuckled after he had downed the shot, slamming the small glass onto the counter. “Don’t worry, I’m going to be moving onto Jager next.”

Mick laughed and shook his head as he pulled a pint for himself, quickly taking a large sip before turning his attention back to Callum who instinctively kept looking towards the main doors, hoping and praying silently to see Ben walk in with his notorious cocky grin, prepared to have Callum by the reins again.

“Cold feet?” Mick asked with humour as he placed his pint down on the counter with a bit of a bang, some of the brown ale spilling out and landing on the coaster.

“No!” Callum pretty much shouted, shifting his posture to be straight so he didn’t look as if he was lying. “What makes you think that?” he asked curiously, he needed to know if he was just as bad at lying as he thought he was.

“Keep looking at the door, that’s all. Anyone would think that you want to do a runner. Got another girl on the go, hey,” Mick continued to joke, unaware that his comments weren’t entirely wrong. Switch the girl for a lad and he had pretty much summed up the last few months of Callum’s life. “Only kidding, I am. I know for a fact that you wouldn’t break Whitney’s heart, too kind you are.”

“Jagerbomb please, Mick,” Callum mumbled, hoping it to get out of the conversation. “Actually, do you still have that three for a fiver deal on them?” When Mick nodded with hesitation, Callum continued. “I’ll have three… oh and a shot of Vodka.”

“Need to slow down, mate,” Jay said as he sat down on the stool besides Callum. To say it was his stag-do, not many people seemed interested in celebrating. Maybe they could see the mood Callum was in but frankly he didn’t care - if they were enjoying the drinks and getting hammered then they wouldn’t take notice of the looks shared by himself and Ben when Ben finally decided to turn up.

“Where’s Ben?” Callum asked too quickly, one jagerbomb already gone before it had even hit the counter. “Sure, he mentioned something about coming at ten but it’s currently half ten and I wondered if he had texted you or something like that because - “

Callum stopped himself when he spotted Jay lift both eyebrows in confusion. “Since when have you been so bothered about Ben? You do know that he will only sit here and be a snarky shit all night,” Jay said, chuckling slightly at the annoyingly fantastic personality his brother had.

“Funny though, isn’t he?”

Jay nodded and grabbed the shot of Vodka from Callum, claiming it as his own. “I’ll give you that one. He’s a very humorous man when he wants to be. Not been recently though…” Jay took a deep breath before shaking his head, a soft smile on his face as he silently went over his worries that he had for Ben. “Still, tonight is about you, isn’t it? Not that you’d think it, no offence, seems like Kush and Martin are more involved in each other, Robbie is such a lightweight that he will be asleep in a minute and wait, why is Jack and Max even here?”

Callum chuckled and shrugged; half amused with the list of people that had turned up. “They probably heard that the first two hours are free drinks.”

Jay tilted his head from side-to-side before agreeing. “Oh well, you’ve got me and Ben when he finally decides to turn up. I might send him a text actually; check he hasn’t been killed on his way over here.”

As if he knew that people were talking about him, specifically Callum, Ben strolled in with a smug grin on his face, shouting out to Mick his order of some shots that he could share around with his fellow friends. Even though Callum had been expecting him, and had been excited to see him, it still didn’t stop the nerves that bubbled up inside of him at just the sound of his secret lover's voice. There was something enchanting about Ben that Callum couldn’t put his finger on, he just knew that he was in too deep with the younger man and he was terrified of the outcome.

“Callum, Jay, two of the most handsome men that Walford has to offer, would you like a shot each?” Ben asked, his voice loud and cheerful as he stood in the middle of Jay and Callum, a grin on his face. “Bloody hell, looks like you’ve had enough already,” Ben said, directing his comment towards Callum and the multiple shot glasses that Mick hadn’t cleaned up. Ben leaned down slightly so his voice was only audible to Jay and Callum. “Only kidding, let’s get hammered and confess our secrets to each other. If you're lucky, might even give you a good-luck kiss at the end of the night, Callum.”

Mick, who had now reappeared after finishing his conversation with Jack, shook his head at Ben’s brashness, an amused smile on this face. “Someone’s in a good mood, aren’t they? Unlike Mr. Moody here,” Mick said, comment directed towards a palpably glum looking Callum.

Ben sniggered and elbowed Callum lightly causing the taller man to finally look up at him. “What’s up with you then, lover boy? Are you not looking forward to next week?”

“Can’t wait for it,” Callum lied, arching one eyebrow as he looked up at Ben who was still stood beside him. “Are you coming then?”

Ben shrugged before pointing to one of the spirits lined up above the bar. “Five of those please Mick and yeah, I will definitely be there. I’ve heard from your Whitney that it’s going to be the event of the year, bigger than the Royal Wedding, more explosive than anything else.”

“Explosive? It’s two average, once again no offence, people from Walford. I doubt something explosive is going to happen,” Jay added, ignorant to the second meaning behind Ben’s words.

Ben tutted and swayed his head from side-to-side. “I don’t know. It seems like there’s always a disaster at weddings around here. Let’s hope no-one ruins your big day, Callum.”

Callum laughed along with the joke, his heart racing. He had secretly thought up scenarios for his wedding day where Whitney would find out about the affair he was having with Ben. It panicked him knowing that Ben would be there in the seats, watching as Callum faked happiness and said ‘I do’ to a woman he didn’t really love. Would Ben do a big romantic gesture and express his undying love for Callum in front of all their friends and family? Would he get extremely drunk at the after-party and scream and shout at Callum until there was no steam left in him? Or would Callum find Ben too irresistible, drag him to the toilets in the pub and get on his knees for him one last time before returning back to his wife? Callum didn’t know and he was sure that Ben didn’t either.

+++

Everyone had gathered around a table when the clock had gone past midnight. Robbie was dropping off; Jay was on his way to being plastered along with everyone else and Martin and Kush were doing impressions of the different residents. Everyone else was either half-listening or involved in their own conversation. When Callum saw how drunk everyone else was, he took it as an opportunity to sober up. He was still drunk but he was more aware of his surroundings, knew that Ben’s eyes were constantly on him wherever he went.

“How much do you love Whitney?” Martin asked, his eyes droopy as he asked Callum multiple questions about his life with Whitney.

“A lot,” Callum lied, eyes flickering to Ben who was sat at the other end of the table with a bottle of beer in his hand. “How much do you love Stacey?”

“Depends on what day you ask me,” he joked, laughing loudly at his own remark. “No, I love her a lot. It’s perfect, the married life. You come home and you see the woman that you love, you get to share a bed with them and hold them and kiss me. You’ll love it, Cal.”

“Yeah, that’s until she goes and shags your best mate and has their baby,” Ben said, ruining the moment like he always did was a sarcastic comment. Martin gasped while Kush and everyone else laughed - Ben wasn’t wrong. “Kidding, I am. We all know that you and Stacey are meant to be.”

“At least I have someone to greet me when I get home,” Martin fired back half-jokingly, his words not affecting Ben who simply nodded. “Marriage is fantastic, makes a couple so much stronger and better - “

“You can still be in love with someone and not be married though,” Callum started, a blush rising to his cheeks when everyone turned their heads to look at him, everyone including Ben’s whose interest in the conversation had heightened.

“Do you think you can be in love with someone and not even be with them?” Ben asked, fully aware of his words and what he was doing. “I believe that you could be in a relationship, or marriage, with someone else and be completely and utterly in love with another person.”

“Wrong though, isn't it?” Martin interrupted, arms flying about. “If you don’t love someone then don’t be with them.”

“Not that easy sometimes though, Martin,” Callum replied, heart racing. Why did he have to get himself involved in this stupid conversation anyway? “I had a friend that was in love with somebody else but he was stuck in a relationship he couldn’t get out off, ate him up months and months. He ended up falling for the other person but he couldn’t say anything…” Callum wasn’t even aware of his words as he spoke, eyes either focused on Ben who was trying not to laugh out loud or on the clear liquid into his glass.

Ben found it amusing that no-one else saw the deeper meaning behind the conversation. It was just Callum and Ben having a chat, nothing else.

“Did he finally confess his feelings?” Ben’s eyes were focused on Callum’s, unable to pull away even if he wanted too. “Or did he just let his secret lover fall in love with him for no reason whatsoever? False hope, it isn't a nice thing.”

Callum shrugged. “I lost contact with him but I’d like to think that he eventually found the courage to be honest.”

Ben nodded once, eyes moving to Jay who was pulling an expression of confusion. “Do you think you could ever be honest with your feelings, Callum? I mean, if you were having an affair would you be honest with Whitney about it or would you let her plan your future together?”

Callum’s breath hitched in his throat as he was carefully watched Ben, how did Ben always have the upper hand? Ben had one eyebrow arched as he sat back in the chair, the hint of a snarky smile on his face as he waited for Callum’s answer.

“Our darling Callum wouldn’t cheat on Whitney, he’s too much of a soft lad,” Mick interrupted, his large hand ruffling up Callum’s hair. “Anyway, you’d have Bianca on your case if you did anything to hurt Whitney and that’s a terrifying thought, lad.”

Callum chuckled awkwardly before announcing that he was nipping out for some fresh-air, Ben hot on his heels as he followed Callum out. Everyone else was engaging in conversation about affairs, too focused on slating each other’s failed relationships that they failed to notice Ben and Callum sneak out together.

“Are you in love with me, Callum?” Ben asked, straight to the point like always. Callum took a deep breath and leaned against one of the empty market stalls, the wood digging into his skin. “Cause if you are, like I think you are, then I want you to be honest with me because I deserve to know.”

Callum looked down at the ground and shrugged - how he wished he had a time machine. “I don’t know what you want me to say Ben considering I’m getting married next week. Whatever I say will be the wrong answer so I might as well keep my mouth shut, that way no-one can get hurt but me.”

Ben took a step closer before moving himself back, not wanting to push Callum any further than he usually did. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself though and I want to know where I stand with you, even if it bruises my ego,” he tried to joke, humour not lasting long when he spotted the sadness in Callum’s body posture, his back slouched and eyes stuck on the floor. “I want to know if I should let myself fall in love or not.”

The booze that both Ben and Callum had drunk throughout the night probably didn’t help their emotional states but now was as good a time as ever to be open and honest with their feelings.

“I don’t control your feelings, Ben.”

“No but you influence them.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth, that would be a good start.”

Callum snorted and shook his head, the cold wind hitting him suddenly. “I don’t know what the fucking truth is anymore, Ben. I just know that everything is a mess, I have feelings that I shouldn’t have and that you are the most annoyingly infuriating person in the world but you make me so happy, happier than I have ever been and I can’t stop thinking about you throughout the day. Jesus, why did you have to come back here? Why couldn’t you have stayed in Newcastle, hey?”

As if that confirmed Ben’s answer, he took a step forward and sat down besides Callum on the wooden bench. “I think I love you too.”

“I never said that - “ Callum cut himself off as he turned to look at Ben - he didn’t have the effort to lie anymore. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“We can’t be together, not properly.”

Ben chuckled tiredly and leaned the side of his head on Callum’s shoulder softly, not fussed that anyone could walk out of the pub or look out of their bedroom windows and see the two of them together. “It’s fine. I’ve been the other man before and I don’t mind being it again.”


End file.
